Success vs. Self-Care: Why We Think We Have to Choose

Today, I want to expose a myth that’s been hiding in plain sight — a sneaky little trojan horse of beliefs quietly wreaking havoc beneath the surface.

Are you worried? Intrigued? Skeptical?

Here it is: you can’t be successful AND take care of yourself. 

Yup- there is a silent belief that being successful and practicing self-care are mutually exclusive. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

You may think that this doesn’t apply to you, after all, maybe you don’t spend a lot of time thinking about success

during the day. You go to work, you get it done, you go home, you get it done.

Done, done, done. 

No time to “take care of yourself”, you have stuff to do.

But let’s unpack it a little bit, starting with success. 

What does success look like to you? Sure, there are nurses who have ambitions of moving up in management, leading professional organizations, being an active part of committees etc, but there are also nurses who love being at the bedside, doing case management, working outpatient or for an industry partner.

Success doesn’t have to mean organizational or academic advancement. Success can be feeling fulfilled and confident during the day. Success can be having autonomy in your work or strong work relationships. Success can be getting everything done, without undue stress and without staying late to chart. Success can be not feeling dread when you wake up to another workday.

And that’s just success at work. What about success in your life outside of work?

This could be achieving your health and wellness goals, having strong personal relationships, financial security or a sense of peace in the home.

There are many facets of success. AND YET, many of us believe that if we are actively trying to achieve these things, self-care cannot be a part of it. 

I can’t take a walk at lunch; I have too much to do. I can’t take a few minutes to stretch and listen to my favorite music by myself when I get home, my kids need me. 

The silent narrative is that the cost of self-care, real self-care, DAILY self-care, is too high. 

If we say no to another committee when our brain or body is screaming for a break, our success at work will be jeopardized. 

If we make our kids or our spouses fend for themselves for 20min, they will be permanently scarred by the feeling of being unloved.

Have we challenged any of these beliefs? Do we know for a fact that they are true? Or is it just the fear of the possibility of these outcomes that is keeping us in a place where we dismiss ourselves?

The challenge is to do just that. What is the actual outcome of taking 20minutes every day to unwind and walk by yourself, or with a friend? What is the actual outcome of not adding another cognitive and time demand to your schedule? What is the actual impact of taking a real lunch break? It may be that you are less fatigued and can actually work more effectively for the rest of the day, getting out on time despite taking a break (don’t roll your eyes at me). It may be that you stay just as late, but you have given your body a much-needed signal mid-day that everything is not a crisis, allowing your nervous system to reset. 

The first step is to identify where in your life you may be applying this “self-care will cost me success/happiness/relationships” in your own life. When you find it (you WILL find it), ask yourself, can you know that it’s true? Can you challenge yourself to just TRY self-care and then measure any positive and negative effects?

What are you telling yourself that self-care will cost you?

What will the lack of self-care cost you?

It’s just a choice, and it doesn’t have to be a hard one.

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If you struggle with choosing yourself, with setting boundaries and with practicing self-care, you are totally normal :). These are skills that just take exploration, education, and repetition. Once you get on a role, your whole life can change for the better (even if you’re not starting from a terrible place). If you are ready to invest in yourself, reach out for a free consultation and we can explore together what your strategies might look like. Megan@NursingBeyondtheJob.com. Getting support is always easier than doing it alone.