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Reevaluating What It Takes to Make Positive Changes in Your Life

Writer's picture: Megan FiloramoMegan Filoramo

How often are you wrong about things? How often are you mad about it?


Or maybe you don’t consider that you could be wrong, after all we generally build beliefs on evidence from our experiences, knowledge from previous study and some creativity of our brains, filling in the blanks.


It’s not surprising that we build up a resistance to being wrong. We place a lot of emotional stock in NOT being wrong. Being wrong can lead to feelings of rejection, inadequacy, embarrassment and disappointment.


Who wants to feel like that?


But if we continue to feel work within this paradigm, we can potentially miss out on the very things we seek; positive change, motivation, security and accomplishment.


We miss out on the opportunity to course correct. We miss out on even knowing that we NEED to course correct. 


How does this apply to your life, to your happiness at work?


Have you considered that if something isn’t working in your life, or you aren’t happy with it, that you might be wrong about what it will take to change it or if it can even BE changed?

Do you believe that you have to change my job to feel better at work, but yet there are a lot of reasons for keeping you there?


As long as we believe this to be true AND as long as we don’t feel like we can leave the job, we will continue to struggle with our day to day satisfaction.


As long as we hold on to “not being wrong about this”, we can’t engage with other possibilities.


So how can we be wrong but NOT feel embarrassed, like a failure, or disappointed.


It’s literally just 2 steps.

Step 1: Stop making being wrong a problem. Being wrong can be a neutral fact. It isn’t a moral failing. It isn’t a sign of intellectual weakness. It isn’t an indicator of not-good-enoughness. Being wrong isn’t a flaw, you are just mistaken. Your evidence, experience and creativity led you to one conclusion but there are others. No harm, no foul. Once you realize that there are alternatives to your belief, you can experience a lot of relief, a lot of possibility.


Step 2: Practice saying “I could be wrong”, not with judgment but with openness and curiosity. Any time you feel very strongly, when you feel yourself digging in your heels at work, practice putting those 4 words at the end of your next sentence. “I don’t think that is the best option for our schedule, but I could be wrong.”  If you do this enough, you will start to believe it. Once you start to believe that you could be wrong, and that it’s not a problem or a moral failing, you can start opening up to other options and one of these options might just work. 


Acknowledging that you could be wrong can be a huge kindness to yourself and the catalyst to meaningful change.


My coworker is hard to deal with…but I could be wrong. Maybe you start to consider things that you may be doing to make them defensive, ways that they may be interpreting your actions. Maybe you start to consider that they have something else going on in their life and you change your approach to be more compassionate. (Both of these will completely alter your perception of them and improve your experience.)


I know how to lose weight or get in shape…but I could be wrong. Maybe you look into things you hadn’t considered before and try something new that will work for you at this stage in your life.


I can’t keep going at this pace…but I could be wrong. Maybe there are things that can build up your protective resources. Maybe you take an honest look at your sleep, your nutrition, and your stress management and try taking one step toward improving those things.


Nothing is going to get better at work…but I could be wrong. Maybe you brainstorm some ideas of how your work day could in fact be better. 


Look for other things in your life that you have changed your mind about to start to build the evidence that being wrong isn’t that big a deal, that being wrong actually allowed you to have better things in your life.


Here are some of mine.

I don’t eat tomatoes. I was wrong (but I wasn’t wrong about olives, just FYI).

People with a back injury can’t run. I was wrong.

I don’t know anything about business/ I won’t ever have one. Wrong.

I won’t be able to stay at this job because of this coworker. I was wrong.

People like me can’t meditate. I was wrong.


There are lots of other examples but these are the first that came to mind. I wasn’t a bad person for thinking these things but being wrong about them has made me happier.


What lies on the other side of the things you may be wrong about?


 

It's not unusual to struggle with making the changes that you really want in your life. Reach out if it's time for some 1:1 help, if you are tired of trying to do it on your own. We can set up a time to come up with a plan that's right for you. Megan@nursingbeyondthejob.com

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