It can be very distressing, even triggering, when things don’t go the way you think they should.
Patients have bad outcomes despite your best efforts.
Coworkers don’t act right (the way you think is appropriate/fair/reasonable).
Patients have bad outcomes despite your best efforts.
You forget your lunch when you made a point of packing something good…and you’re starving.
You decide to start a new exercise, and you hurt your back.
Work is crazy and you are understaffed.
You forget to do something important.
Family obligations grow when you have the least amount of time.
Your parents get ill.
And this may just describe your Monday.
This may sound odd but one of the best ways to deal with these stressors is to expect them. Not in a worst-case-scenario kind of way but a life-is-50/50 way; 50% positive and 50% negative. It won’t necessarily prevent that immediate visceral response to these events, the palpitations, tears, flushed face or headache, but it can help you recover faster. It can help you let it go so you don’t have to ruminate it for days.
What if nothing has gone wrong here?
Now if you’re like me, you will have a list of all the reasons something has absolutely gone wrong. Feel free to hold onto that list, I usually grip it tightly until the palpitations, chest tightness and insomnia drive me to try and let it go. This experience is what has led me to explore other options, options like acceptance of the 50/50.
People aren’t going to act the way that you think they should. That’s ok, let it affect their life and not yours. It’s part of the 50%.
Sometimes you are going to get injured. That’s ok. The human body is strong and the human spirit is even stronger. It doesn’t mean you can’t have an amazing life with an injured body. It doesn’t mean you can’t have the exact experience you are supposed to.
Work is going to be crazy and there will always be staffing issues. We can work to change this without getting triggered and psychotic. It’s bad enough to have to work harder during the day, we don’t want to give up our sleep as well, just because we are spinning about it. It’s part of the 50%.
We are going to forget things. I forgot a quarterly Board Meeting this week that was not only important but I was looking forward to it. I got so involved in a situation at work that it slipped my mind. You are going to make mistakes, and miss things, and have to apologize. It’s ok. It’s a normal component of life. I’m still disappointed but I can accept the disappointment as part of my expected 50%.
We don’t have to be happy about these things. If we can just accept them as normal, as a normal part of the positive/negative balance of life then we can find so much more ease.
Life is 50/50. Nothing has gone wrong if there are negative parts of your life. When you feel that visceral response, however it manifests for you, take a breath and remind yourself that even though it feels awful, nothing has gone wrong here. That awareness, that mental reminder, is the first step in practicing this approach. Literally interrupting the crazy mental chatter about the negative event with a reminder that it is fine and expected can have a profound effect on how you feel.
Our lives are not going to be constant bliss, even if you have solid financial security, the perfect marriage, your dream job, and great health. It doesn’t work that way, even those people experience 50/50.
When we mentally argue with the way things are, we make ourselves miserable.
Take the time you need to process the negative emotions, whatever they are (anger, disappointment, fear, sadness, irritation). If you don’t know how to get started, or if deep breaths make you anxious, there are other ways to release that negative adrenaline rush.
One of the best ways is movement, and it doesn’t have to be a stairmaster or running 12 miles.
Put on your favorite music and just move around. Do some stretches. Clench and release your hands and then shake them all around. Do the hokey pokey :)
Take it from a ruminator, these things can work very quickly.
You can handle negative things. You don’t even have to think positively about them. Knowing this can help you let go of the suffering faster and from that place, you can take positive action.
If the negative things in your life are too overwhelming and you find yourself not sleeping because your mind just won’t turn off, I can help you. Click here to set up a time to find out how.
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