What's the matter with you?
It’s the week of setting resolutions, or for many, rejecting the idea of resolutions as they feel they are synonymous with failure. I can’t tell you how many conversations I have had with my colleagues who say that they don’t set New Year’s resolutions because “no one ever sticks with them.”
Do you know why this is?
It’s because we start with looking for what’s wrong with us and then decide to change it.
We start with the preface that we aren’t good enough as we are, and then add the anticipation of failure and self loathing when we give up.
I don’t know about you, but feeling like I am flawed
and that I will be even more flawed if I don’t follow through
is not the most motivating.
Don’t believe me? If you were to set a resolution, what would it be? Is it to fix something that's wrong with you?
According to a 2022 poll of 18-89 year olds in the US, run by Statista, the top 8 resolutions for 2023 are as follows.
To Exercise More. 52%
To Eat Healthier. 50%
To Lose Weight. 40%
To Save More Money. 39%
To Spend More Time With Family/Friends. 37%
To Spend Less Time On Social Media. 20%
To Reduce Stress On The Job. 20%
To Reduce Living Expenses. 19%
In my opinion, these are all good goals. The problem isn’t the goal, the problem is the driving thought that you are not good enough as you are, that your value lies in accomplishing these things, that you’ll be better when…
Let’s look at them again through the hidden lens of inadequacy.
I should be in better shape.
I don’t eat the way I should and I am not taking care of my body.
I weigh too much. I am too fat. I don’t look good etc.
I should be saving money, I spend too much.
I don’t prioritize spending time with family/friends.
I waste my time on social media.
I can’t manage my stress at work, it is taking over my life.
I can’t afford my life and I am not being responsible.
Here’s the problem,
we can’t bully ourselves into change. It doesn’t work.
We know this to be true for our patients as well. Even when we know something is going to help them, shaming them into trying it doesn’t work.
If you start with the premise that you are perfect and complete just as you are now, how would that change the narrative? If your worth does not lie in your accomplishments, how would you approach goals?
Are our patients only good enough if they achieve lasting change?
Are they only valuable when they have done their physical therapy exercises consistently or changed their diets?
Are they only worthy if they don’t spend time on social media or have money in the bank?
Of course not. Nurses believe in the inherent value of every human being, just because.
That inherent worth goes for you as well.
So if you can settle into your own good-enoughness, what would you think could be fun for this year? What would the statements look like then?
It could be fun to get in shape and feel energetic/strong. This is going to be the year I figure out how to do this, the year I am going to keep trying things until I find what works for me. (This statement can be added to all the following resolutions as well.)
Eating healthier could open up some new foods for me- and maybe I will have some other benefits like improved sleep and less headaches. That would make an amazing impact on my day to day life.
Losing weight could be fun (even if it takes all year).
I am going to figure out how I can start saving some money. I know I can do it.
It would be so nice to spend more time with my family. That would be a fun thing to do for myself.
I am going to look for amazing ways to spend my downtime. It’s ok if some of it is on social media.
I am smart and passionate, I am going to look for creative ways to be peaceful at work.
I am going to evaluate my living expenses and see if all of them are serving me. I will keep what I want and let go of what I don’t.
Do you feel the difference?
We all have plenty of demands on our lives, especially working in healthcare where we take on many of the needs of others. There is no reason that our lives outside of work need to add to the stress of this.
The good news is, having a resolution doesn’t need to add stress.
We can do things because we want to, not because we “should”.
We are good enough the way we are right now. We are valuable, like our patients, just because.
Choosing to change something in your life from a place of “it could be fun” without it meaning anything about your self-worth is a game changer.
What if this is the year that in addition to doing things for others, you do things for yourself?
What if there’s potential, and not a problem?
Excited by the idea of exploring the potential of feeling satisfied at work again? Excited by the ripple effect this could have on your life? Reach out and I will help you get there, and trust me, it feels amazing. Schedule a time here.