Staying in Nursing Without Losing Yourself

Feeling really good about work can sound like a fantasy- especially for nurses. When your days are filled with pain, loss, and responsibility for other people’s lives, constant happiness isn’t realistic—but even steady contentment, purpose, and satisfaction can feel out of reach.

This can be true even if you aren’t miserable at work, even if you aren’t completely overwhelmed. Sometimes it shows up as a subtle sense of dread when you imagine doing this work for the next 5, 10, or 20 years.

Of course, we can change jobs or even change careers—but deep down, many of us don’t want to. What we want is for the lived experience of being a nurse to align with what we believed nursing would be, and with the underlying philosophy of the profession itself.

We want to care for people. We want to help them care for themselves. We want to decrease suffering and make a difference.

What we don’t want is for that to come at the cost of our own wellbeing.

So what’s the answer? Are we doomed to stay caught in the juxtaposition of giving so much while our own needs go unmet?

If so, this would be a very short and distressing post.

The answer comes from an unlikely place: author and counterculture poet Tuli Kupferberg, who said,

“When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”

When patterns are broken—not when they somehow break on their own. If we want a new world to emerge, a world where caring for others, caring for ourselves, and having our work and our wellness aligned is a reality, then we have to break patterns.

We have to break our own patterns for growth and change to occur. It can’t be done for us.

What patterns do you have that may be subtly running in your background programming?

Not all patterns are bad. Some sustain us. These are some of the positive patterns that have supported me:

• I have a pattern of getting to work on time, which eliminates a lot of unnecessary stress.

• I generally pack my lunch so I know I’ll have something decent to eat.

• I have a pattern of believing that every person has the capacity to improve their life.

• I look for personalized solutions for my patients rather than one-size-fits-all answers.

• I take ownership when I make a mistake.

These are patterns I want to keep—patterns I want to strengthen. But I also had patterns that needed to change for my world (my work experience) to change.

Patterns like:

• Believing things should be fair, and spending enormous mental energy on that expectation.

• Expecting things not to have to be repeated a hundred times at work.

• Staying up too late and making excuses for it.

• Complaining endlessly and holding onto frustration. (I still complain—unfortunately—but I’ve gotten better at letting things go and intentionally refocusing my attention.)

• Judging what other people can or should do.

Maybe you recognize some of these. Or maybe identifying your own patterns will take a bit of self-reflection—or even some detective work.

The truth is, these patterns don’t make you a good person or a bad person. And none of them has to change. But holding tightly to familiar patterns—resisting change—keeps us stuck in our current experience.

What if changing just one pattern created the small crack needed for a new world to emerge?

Yes, it really can start with changing just one. And it still works even when we “relapse” into old patterns and have to try again. Patterns are simply thoughts and behaviors we’ve practiced for a long time. We can practice something new—and see what happens 😊

This worked for me, even when I was really struggling. I still have bad days, but now I have the tools I need to meet them.

I’ve worked in pain management for 26 years—and I’m not stopping now.

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If you’re ready to explore which patterns are supporting you—and which ones may be keeping you stuck—I offer individual coaching for nurses. Together, we work on practical, realistic shifts that align your work with your wellbeing. Reach out to Megan@NursingBeyondTheJob.com, and we can schedule an interest call.