How to Stop Negotiating Your Rest

I know how to do a lot of things: stay busy, work hard, and try to help other people. I know you are the same, which is why I wanted to share this with you. 

I recently read Untamed, by Glennon Doyle, and was struck by this quote: “I am worthy of rest.”  The word “worthy” made me pause.  Lots of us say we deserve happiness, love, freedom etc., but “deserve” definitely has a more entitled sound to it, like someone is denying us those things. I’m not a big fan of entitlement. But the word “worthy” seems to embody compassion, respect, and intrinsic value.  

Many nurses struggle not just to rest, but to believe they are deserving of rest at all. Having a full life can be great, but at some point, it starts to wear you down and we stop out of sheer exhaustion. Or even worse, we begin to resent the things that we chose to fill our lives with in the first place. Sound familiar?

So what’s the answer? We try things like getting a manicure or meeting a friend for lunch. We talk about self-care like it is another task that we can cross off the list, something that we can “get done.” We tell each other, “Put on your own oxygen mask first so you can help others. You can’t help anyone if you don’t help yourself.” 

This isn’t what I am talking about. Worthy of rest has no strings attached. 

So how do we rest? How do we learn this foreign skill?

It’s simple, and it’s only 4 steps.

1. Plan it. Put it on the calendar: “Down time — Tuesday, 6-8.” Maybe your plan includes exactly how you’ll rest—scrolling Pinterest while lying on the couch. Or maybe the plan is simply to decide in the moment (imagine that). Trust me: it feels amazing to reach your scheduled downtime and choose how to spend it. Give yourself permission to not be busy.

2. Resist the urge to negotiate when it’s time to rest. Suddenly, you’ll think of just a few things you should do first. Do not throw in laundry. Don’t listen to the voice that says it doesn’t matter or that everything else is more important. Honor the promise you made to yourself. 

Be a person who does what they say they’re going to do.

3. Look forward to it. This isn’t a punishment, people. Try saying, “I can’t wait to rest from 6–8 p.m. on Tuesday.” When you anticipate rest, you’re less likely to negotiate it away, and as a bonus, the rest of your obligations often feel lighter when downtime is already scheduled.

Maybe a two-hour block once a week isn’t realistic for your life right now. But maybe fifteen minutes after work each day is. Or an hour on a Saturday morning. Maybe you say no to something else to make the time (gasp). Remind yourself: I am worthy of rest.

4. Set yourself up for success by planning to do everything else at another time. This won’t work if you’re scattered or mentally juggling unfinished tasks. You are worthy of rest—but you may need to protect it. (And you’ll still get everything done. You always do.)

Pick how you want to do your life so you can do it all. 

Before you tell me it won’t work, try it. Here are a few tips:

Schedule what’s on your to-do list. This gives you more time, not less, because you can be efficient instead of reactive.

Treat your to-do list like a workday—plan it so you can “get out” on time.

Think realistically about how long things will take and when they can happen. If you need catch-up time, schedule it.

And no, this isn’t out of order. Step one is scheduling the downtime and working everything else around it.

Some people are naturally good at rest. If that’s you, share this with someone who may need to hear they are worthy of rest.  If you’re still learning how to rest, try it. It feels great.

---

You don’t need more discipline—you need support. 1:1 coaching is a space to slow down, untangle the overwhelm, and build a life that includes rest without guilt. Let’s do this together, reach out at Megan@NursingBeyondtheJob.com