Sometimes we need to lower the bar

I run a coaching group at my pain management practice on Wednesdays. It is an amazing group of women who have been living with chronic pain for more than a decade.

I started the group during COVID, when online connection was the only “treatment” I could provide.

Throughout the last few years, many patients have participated in the group, learning new ways to cope with chronic pain, supporting each other through difficult times, and sharing strategies that they use to thrive despite being in a tough situation, one that is unlikely to improve physically. 

Today I used one of their strategies for myself.

Lowering the bar.

Uncertain that this is something you should be striving for? Let me explain. 

Today I’m tired. 

Was my day particularly difficult? No. 

Did I have too many patients? No. 

Did I get out late with tons of notes unfinished? Again, no. 

It’s a beautiful day and I am home early with my notes done. 

And yet… I’m really tired.

Despite having hours of “free time” tonight, I want to do nothing.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has experienced this.

I should take advantage of the beautiful evening.

I should exercise, clean the kitchen, run errands, get something done.

I can’t waste a free night!

And yet… I’m tired.

Enter the strategy of lowering the bar. Admittedly, it’s not my typical strategy. I am a big fan of raising the bar, or even better yet, breaking the bar.  

But different strategies work on different days. And today, my group reminded me of that.

Sometimes you just need to set the bar low.

Not because you’re lazy. Not because you’re giving up.

Because today, your body is asking for something different.

Set the bar low, and you can feel good about what you have done instead of focusing on what you haven’t done.

Set the bar low and let yourself recover.

Lowering the bar is another way of saying:

I give myself permission to slow down.

I don't have to be busy every second of every day.

What I have done today is enough.

I went to work.I cared for patients.I completed my notes.

That’s enough for today.

Lying in the hammock or sitting on the couch is not wasting anything.

It’s rest.

And sometimes rest is exactly what we need.

If you really struggle with the idea of wasting valuable time, acknowledge that rest and resetting your nervous system IS actively doing something. 

Giving yourself some time and space to recover builds resilience. Ultimately, it allows you to keep doing the work without resentment or burnout.

My patients with chronic pain cannot always predict how their bodies will feel on any given day; they cannot rely on their energy levels to be what they want, when they want it. 

None of us would judge them for taking the time they need or making accommodations to manage their lives. 

Are we really any different? Today, lowering the bar and resting may be exactly what we need.

Let’s not gaslight ourselves into believing otherwise.

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If you’re constantly pushing yourself to do more, be more, and make the most of every minute, it can be hard to know when enough is actually enough.

1:1 coaching gives you space to step back, figure out what you really need, and find practical ways to care for yourself without adding another item to your already-too-long to-do list.

You don’t have to wait until you’re completely burned out to make a change.

If this sounds like something you need, I’d love to talk with you. Reach out to schedule a complimentary conversation about whether 1:1 coaching might be a good fit. Megan@NursingBeyondtheJob.com