The Wellness Tool You’re Probably Not Scheduling

Let’s face it, some days just suck.

And sometimes you have day after day that kinda sucks. Maybe there’s a reason. Maybe you have no idea why you feel awful, in a funk, or just blah.

You just want to feel better.

The blahness is less than motivating (at best) and paralyzing at worst. So we reach for the easy things that make us feel better in the moment: chocolate, Netflix, online shopping, wine.

Sure, we get a little escape. But when the chocolate is gone, and Netflix asks if we’re still watching for the third time, whatever was bothering us is still there.

So what’s the easy and less fattening answer?

Connection.

Yup. Connection.

There is plenty of research connecting social connection with both physical and emotional health. But when I’m having a bad day, what I really care about is how it makes me FEEL.

And here’s the good news: connection has nothing to do with how many friends or Instagram followers you have. You don’t need a huge social network or to live near your best friend.

Connection is a feeling. And you can create little moments of it almost anywhere.

Think about nursing.

You can spend 12 hours surrounded by people and still feel completely disconnected. You answer call bells, talk to patients, update families, communicate with the provider, give report and maybe grab a quick laugh with the nurse next to you. Then you get in your car and realize you haven't actually had a meaningful conversation all day.

Or maybe your coworker asks, “How are you?” and you automatically say, “Fine,” while already mentally moving on to the next thing.

What if you stopped?

What if you actually listened for two minutes?

What if you called the nurse who always makes you laugh after a particularly awful shift?

What if you sat with your spouse for five minutes without scrolling your phone?

What if you let your kid tell you, in excruciating detail, about whatever drama is happening in their world and focused on enjoying their enthusiasm, rather than thinking about the twelve other things you need to do?

These aren't big things; they are moments of connection.

We know we should exercise for our health, so we put it on the calendar. But do we ever plan for connection?

Try this quick connection assessment:

Who are the people you feel connected to?

How are you currently staying connected with them?

What's one small way you could increase that connection by 10%?

Maybe it’s a “thinking of you” text.

Maybe it’s five minutes on the phone.

Maybe it’s sitting with a coworker instead of eating lunch alone while scrolling.

Maybe it’s asking someone a question and actually listening to the answer.

And don't forget about your “secondary people.” The nurses on your floor. Your neighbors. The dance moms. The people at your gym. The women you met through a business group. The person you always see at the coffee shop.

You don't have to become best friends, just connect.

For my introverts, no need to start freaking out. You can be alone without being lonely, just as you can be surrounded by people and feel alone.

Connection doesn't have to mean a party or a packed social calendar. It can be reminiscing over old pictures, thinking about people you're grateful for, listening to a familiar voice, or remembering the people you helped this week.

The point isn't to add another obligation to your already-full life; it's to notice where connection already exists and create a little more of it.

Start with 10%.

Put it on your calendar. Set a reminder. Send the text. Make the call. Sit down and actually listen. Practicing connection makes it easier to connect. And the more connected we feel, the more opportunities we have to feel better.

Improving your health and wellness doesn't always have to feel like restriction, discipline or punishment; sometimes it can actually feel good.

And unlike chocolate, there’s no sugar crash later.

Although, to be fair, I’m not suggesting you give up the chocolate.