Last night I was in bed at 8:35pm. I was exhausted! Exhausted with no great reason why. Sure I had done some yard work over the weekend, but I actually had a half day at work yesterday, ran some errands and was home to read in the afternoon. As I lay there, half-asleep, I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I should be able to do all that and still function until 9:30, right? Before I could dwell on it too much, I was asleep.
Have you ever had a situation like this, feeling frustrated with where you are, that things would just be better if they were a little different? For most of us, there is some little nagging part of our brains that constantly tell us we would be happier if we were just a little better, faster, stronger, or different. We may not even be aware that we have this “not good enough” script running in the background.
It may show up in sneaky ways but it’s there.
Don’t believe me? See if you have experienced any of these.
Mom guilt- Because of something I did or didn’t do my child will suffer
Work frustration- No matter what I do I won’t get the raise, I’ll never be good enough for them.
Weight - I have to lose this weight to feel better or look good or to be an example (aka I’m not ok as I am).
Fitness - I need to work out 3 x a week to be healthy, I need to run this marathon to prove to myself that I can… if I was just more motivated or disciplined...
Money - I need to make more money or get out of debt to be happy.
Career - I will feel better when I get this degree or certification or promotion.
There is a quick fix for this, just try this exercise.
In each of the following scenarios, imagine the three people described.
Scenario #1.
The first person is in great shape, exercises regularly, eats right and has a great attitude.
The second person is a healthy weight, exercises sometimes and tries to eat healthy but struggles with not eating too many sweets.
The third person is 70 pounds overweight, doesn’t exercise because her knees really hurt and has a couple of drinks every night to relax.
Which person is worth the most?
Scenario #2.
The first person is a go getter. She works full time, every weekend a new project is completed, and she still somehow has time to go hiking.
The second person works full time but struggles to even keep up with her house. Hobbies are just a nice wish.
The third person doesn’t work, just does basic activities of daily living and prefers TV to hobbies.
Which person is worth the most?
Ok- scenario #3: kids
The first child is good in school, studies hard and is active in sports outside of school.
The second child struggles with math but keeps up in most of the other subjects and is active outside with friends in the afternoons.
The third child is not really focused in school and prefers to spend time by herself outside of school.
Which child is worth the most?
One more scenario:
bear with me.
Take a minute to imagine the last time you were in a group of people, maybe at work, maybe a party or family gathering, maybe a school event. Really try to get a good visual of all the people there, who you talked to, what they were wearing. Now picture yourself in that group, why you were there, how you interacted.
Which person in that room is worth the most?
Are you appalled yet? Is your brain on overdrive, freaking out that it is cruel and unjust to say one person is more valuable than another based on what they accomplish, what they look like, what habits they maintain or what their personality traits are?
It seems so ridiculous. We would never say that someone with knee pain and obesity is less valuable as a person than an athlete or someone who makes time for hobbies.
Everyone has infinite worth.
This is one of the core values of nursing.
AND YET….
We do this to ourselves all the time. We tell ourselves we will be happy when we lose weight, or get the raise, or establish a new habit. Let that sink in.
We say this because we attach our value as a human to our accomplishments (or lack thereof).
But in the first example we agree that someone who accomplishes more than another person on any given day isn’t MORE OR LESS valuable or worthy.
People have value because they are people.
Period. The End.
Most people would readily agree with this sentence.
But then we listen to the mom guilt voice, or the “should’ve” voice. The voice that sneaks in the thought that somehow we would be more valuable if we were different.
We would be equally worthy if we were different. We would just be different.
If you want to be different, be different because you want to, not because it means anything beyond that.
You have infinite worth…in under 3 minutes flat.
Does this make sense to you intellectually but having trouble believing it emotionally? Book a "let's see what's possible" call with me to start feeling better. Just click the link and pick a time!