From Tough to Tender: Managing Stress While Caring for Others

If you want to be coddled, don’t go to a nurse. 

While nurses are some of the most empathetic and compassionate people, this does not translate into coddling.

Nurses listen to understand the patient, they evaluate the patient’s obstacles and strengths, they comprehend just how hard healing and wellness promotion, or working through a terminal illness, can be. 

And then they push.

Nurses will do for the patient only as long as they cannot do for themselves. They focus on empowering the patient to gain self-efficacy, even if that self-efficacy is managing the struggles of an end-of-life journey. They educate and support patient families so that they can carry on when the support of the nurse is not there.

And yes, they force patients to walk, right after surgery. They reposition patients, even when the patient is more comfortable staying in one position. They say the hard things that patients and families need to hear, even if it isn’t always well received. They say no, just as often as they say yes.

Why do they do all of this? Because this is what caring for someone else involves. It is guiding and cheerleading the patient to reach the maximum potential of their wellness. It is helping them through the difficult parts, lending strength and confidence to a patient who may not have it readily available.

If pressed to pick 2 words to describe nurses, compassionate and tough would be at the top of the list.

It is understandable that in this role, nurses experience a significant amount of stress. While meaningful and fulfilling, it is still hard work to hold the wellness, motivation, and stress of others while holding your own.After all, nurses also have their own stressors outside of work. They may have their own health struggles, family issues, and financial concerns. These don’t just get put aside when taking on the care of someone else.

If this is true, which it is, how do we take control of our stress so that the care of others builds us up instead of compounding our problems?

What is your daily care plan for your own stress? What are the top 3 things you do on a regular basis to work toward your own emotional wellness?

Crickets?

Don’t worry, it’s a trick question. 

It’s a question to bring awareness to a possible deficit in our approach to work. Many of us haven’t even thought about it. We just assume we should be able to handle it- didn’t we agree that nurses are tough? 

This is where accepting the identity of tough and compassionate could potentially work against us. We feel that these character traits should be sufficient, that we shouldn’t need a plan to manage our own stress. Then, when we feel the impact of stress in our lives we see it as a character flaw, not a component of our health that needs to be managed on a regular basis.

We just need a vacation, right?

Vacations are great, it’s true, but how often have you come back from vacation and within a few minutes on the job you feel like you never left?

Proactively managing stress is like eating vegetables, we need to do it multiple times a day, every day, for our continued health. The good news is there are multiple ways to do this, we just need to pick some and try. No one can do it for us.

Here are some ideas, all of which focus on one of 3 things: releasing physical tension from your body, downregulating your central nervous system, reframing your thoughts and narratives to better support you.

1. Stretch every day before and after work. A few minutes is fine.

2. Write down three things you are grateful for every day. Really want to think harder? Try listing 10 things every day with no repeats throughout the week. When I fall out of this habit, I see the impact very quickly. Gratitude forces us to look for the good. It reassures our nervous system that we are safe.

3. Have a difficult patient? Before walking into the room, drop your shoulders and take 2 really long slow breaths, extending the exhale beyond the length of the inhale. This activates your parasympathetic nervous system.

4. Move your body. Take a walk or do yoga. No time? Put on your favorite song and dance for 3 minutes.

5. Feeling triggered? Pause and lean into it instead of dismissing yourself. If your patient was anxious or upset you wouldn’t brush over it, you would stop and listen. See if you can do the same for yourself. Can you try to seek some understanding for why you feel the way you do? Can you have compassion for that part of you? Even if you can’t do this in the moment, exploring this after work can be very helpful and can help you anticipate or prevent feeling triggered in the future.

6. Add some fun into your day (yes this takes effort). Can you call a friend on the way home? Can you joke around with your coworkers or your patients? Can you record your kids or your pets being cute?

7. Talk about your stress. This can be difficult because it involves vulnerability and yet we see in our patients just how important this can be. Speaking about it can help us process it, even if we aren’t actively solving for it. This could be with a friend, a partner, a coworker or even a therapist or coach. Not ready for this? Try journaling to start. 

8. Do a 5 minute meditation or breathing exercise. You don’t have to know how or do it “right”. Just find one on youtube and try it. This isn’t just for woo woo people- there is tons of evidence that guided meditation and breath work will decrease stress and improve health.

9. Go to the bathroom when you need to. Stop putting yourself off. Yes, it will take 3 minutes. Yes, usually your patients can wait. This is a subtle act of releasing the stress from your body while also changing the narrative that you are less important than other things. We have to be a part of changing the culture that the needs of nurses can be dismissed. If you want to be valued, value yourself and your basic needs.

Now that you have an idea of where to start, what type of things can help you? Are you willing to take control of your own stress and push yourself into action? (Don’t forget, we are really good at this for other people.)

Stress is a very real health concern but it doesn’t have to be a problem. Small interventions throughout the day build up our resilience. Even if we forget some days but go back to it, the benefits are there.

Are you ready to empower yourself, to push and cheerlead yourself? 

Are you ready to build the self-efficacy needed for your own health and wellness? 

Are you willing to let go of the narrative that you are tough and should be able to handle it? 

Are you willing to take responsibility (in an amazing and powerful way) of controlling the impact of stress in your life??

I know you can do it. I am here, as a nurse, to lend you support and confidence until you build belief in your ability to change your whole experience. 

Let me know what approaches you choose!

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Need some help finding strategies that fit your specific situation and personality? Reach out at Megan@NursingBeyondtheJob.com to schedule a time to explore this and how coaching can help you in as little as 6 weeks.

Learning the skills that work for you can change every aspect of your life and can prepare you for the hardships that inevitably come your way. If it can work for me, it can work for you. I look forward to connecting!