Finding Hope When It Feels Impossible to Feel Better at Work

The hardest part is getting started. With anything.

The drive to avoid discomfort and seek safety is an evolutionary response, not a character flaw; an important distinction to remember when the urge comes to reprimand yourself for your lack of willpower.

It’s normal to unconsciously avoid trying something new, something with unknown or uncertain outcomes, something that you may have tried in the past without success. 

You have probably experienced this in some capacity when starting a new exercise program (or continuing a difficult one), changing jobs, trying a new hobby or learning a new skill. All the reasons it is a terrible idea, improbable of success, are constantly running through your mind. 

Just stay safe. Just stay comfortable. This is the primitive programming in our brains.

And it’s not going anywhere.

Often, we know from experience that if we just can get ourselves started, if we just put on our sneakers, if we just take out the book to study, that we will then move forward. It’s the getting started that holds us up. 

This is also true about feeling better at work. 

Did you know that people experience resistance to the idea of feeling better at work? Can this be another iteration of that damning evolutionary response? 

Don’t try and change, it will exert useless energy, and we need energy to stay safe.

Don’t take a different approach than your coworkers or administration, it’s not safe to do something on your own.

Don’t swim against the current, it won’t work.

Maybe these statements are surprising yet strike a chord.

Do you believe that it is pointless to try and feel better at work?

Do you feel uncertain about expending more energy for an uncertain reward?

Good news, you’re normal. 

Good news, the primitive part of your brain, the part offering you these self-protective thoughts is not the only part of your brain.

We have the smarter part too, the “we can figure out complex problems” part of your brain. 

The first step is to deconstruct the thought that feeling better at work will expend extra energy, energy you can’t afford to give. 

It sounds reasonable, until you acknowledge that the core to feeling better at work is changing how you think, which doesn’t expend a lot of energy, and even this doesn’t have to be done all at once.

Here’s an example. Try on these 2 thoughts.

Today is going to be so hard

Vs.

I am going to show up as the best version of myself today. 

Now imagine repeating either one to yourself all day long. Which one gives you more energy? Which one gives you personal power? You don’t have to convince yourself of anything to believe the second.

And then there is the belief that it is dangerous to swim against the current, that changing your experience at work will somehow isolate you (which the brain interprets as danger). 

It’s a very black and white, all or nothing way of thinking. We aren’t in or out, we are part of a whole. The evolutionary concern is outdated. Again, the work here is tied to how we are thinking, to shifting our focus.

Let’s go back to an example of 2 thoughts to choose between.

If I change, people will think I’m crazy.

vs.

Helping myself IS helping and strengthening the group which I am dedicated to.

I am part of the whole.

If we can back up and start with this small first step of addressing resistance, then we can actually believe things can get better at work. From there, we can add one strategy at a time. 

The first thing to try IS just this, watching for the unhelpful and outdated evolutionary thoughts and intentionally picking a new one that supports you throughout the day, one that you can write down and practice thinking.

It’s like studying for a test, we might not nail it the first time. There may be times we can only hold onto the thought for the first hour of the day but with continued practice we can hold it longer and come back to it faster. And then you can start to try other small strategies; mindfulness, connection, focusing on your purpose.

You can feel better at work.

It is safe to try.

It doesn’t have to use more energy.

You are normal if this sounds improbable to you 🙂

But if it is safe to try, and doesn’t take more energy, then what do you have to lose?

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P.S. I know this can sound tricky if you haven’t done work like this before. If you are feeling desperate, or even just curious 🙂, then reach out to explore how 1:1 coaching can help you finally achieve the change that you want. Reach out Megan@nursingbeyondthejob.com