When you know better but still struggle; self-compassion in the repeat

As I was putting together this post, I was trying to capture the essence of the frustration of finding yourself back in a position that you swore you would never get yourself into again. People commonly experience this when starting a diet or exercise program for the umpteenth time, but it sneaks in in other situations as well.

You agree to the extra shift…and instantly regret it.

You overcommit yourself and then you feel like your family pays the price.

You are triggered by a coworker despite promising yourself you wouldn't let them get to you.

You find yourself staying up too late because you just need a break, knowing full well that you won’t be happy about it in the morning. 

And the problem is, you already thought these things through and decided against them. 

Obviously, something is wrong with you.

                                                      At least that’s how you feel.

When going through this, it’s difficult to keep a positive outlook. We cement in our overwhelm with a solid layer of guilt.

WE SHOULD KNOW BETTER!

Take a breath. Let’s look a little more carefully at what is actually going on. Let’s see if there is a way to dig out from self-judgment to a more restorative place.

Start by zooming out. What are all the things that are going on in your life right now? Do you have more than 3? How many relationships are you juggling? How many responsibilities? Have you had anything unexpected come up recently?

This isn’t an exercise to overwhelm you, it’s to demonstrate that we are dynamic beings living in a dynamic world. We don’t make any decisions or react to anything in a vacuum. We are surrounded by stimuli, positive, negative, and neutral that affect us. 

Can we have a little compassion for that person that doesn’t always have unlimited time to think things through, who may be swayed by something they weren’t anticipating? Can we have compassion for the person who is trying to make positive changes in their life, sometimes hitting a speed bump and veering off course? Can we understand how it might happen?

This is the exact situation I recently found myself in. The thought “I should have planned this better” has been on constant replay in my brain. It’s a little maddening so I thought I would share it with you, in hopes that my experience may lighten yours.

I committed to a big project, one that I wanted to do and had never done before.

I grossly underestimated the time and energy it would take.

I had a deadline, and as it came closer, every waking moment was given to getting the project done. To make things better, I was sleeping really poorly because my brain was on overdrive.

It made it hard to concentrate at work. It made it hard to be patient with my loved ones. It made it hard to do anything.

Last Sunday, by dinnertime I had a total of 339 steps for the day. 339 steps TOTAL!

I have other priorities for my weekends, time with my family, managing my home, and hiking.

Sitting all day long to finish a project was not in line with these yet following through on something I said I was going to do was.

So you would think that when I submitted it, I would be euphoric, and I was…for 10 minutes

Then the judgment started. 

If I had planned my time better, I could have submitted a better finished product (despite the hundred hours I did spend).

Because of this I didn’t manage my self care, my sleep and my exercise…

Let’s not even discuss my nutritional choices.

As a nurse practitioner AND a nurse coach I should be better at doing these things. Right?

This week I have had to continuously and intentionally change this narrative in my head as I catch up on my sleep and start back to exercise. 

I am proud to be part of the project.

Yes, I probably could have submitted something better if I had a better understanding of what I was getting myself into. But sometimes you don’t know until you know (anyone who has had children understands this- nothing quite prepares you, you learn as you go).

I didn’t intentionally choose something that would limit time with my family. AND despite the narrative in my head, I did, in fact, have time that I stopped what I was doing and dedicated undistracted time to them. So that part I still managed even if that truth isn’t on replay in my head.

I showed a dedication I didn’t know I had- I see those 339 steps as a testament to getting it done, going the extra mile (obviously figuratively), staying focused.

The moral of the story? If you are feeling self-judgement about how you are reacting or a situation that you find yourself in AGAIN, see if you can zoom out. What else is true? What contributed to you being there? Can you have some compassion for the person who is trying and yet is still getting tripped up periodically? Feeling better and managing self-care isn’t a destination, it is continuous upskilling. 

We can only gain new skills through repetitive training, even the skills of managing our time around projects or our emotions at work.

We are good at learning new skills; we just need to see it that way.

Keep going…and I will too!

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Ready to stop beating yourself up and start moving forward?

If this felt a little too familiar—if you’ve found yourself caught in the same cycles of overcommitting, self-judgment, and burnout—I want you to know you're not alone. More importantly, you don’t have to figure it out alone.

Coaching isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about learning how to ask the right questions, zoom out, and build skills (yes, even emotional ones) with support and compassion.

If you’re ready to make sustainable changes, shift your mindset, and create space for your own growth and wellbeing…

👉 Let’s work together. email me at Megan@NursingBeyondtheJob.com