Do you want one more thing on your to-do list?
Me neither.
Are you tired at the end of the day?
Me too.
Do you look around you and wonder how other people do it? How do they make dinner at night, or go to the gym, or manage to always look put together, or post pictures where the background is a clean house?
The truth is, you want to feel less exhausted from the work you do, from managing all of the competing demands at work, but the thought of it sounds like one more big item to put on the to-do list.
Adding something to the to-do list is a HARD NO.
To make it worse, sometimes the desire to feel less exhausted and “do more” is lined with a sneaky layer of shame.
You shouldn’t feel this way.
You should be able to get to the gym, make a nutritious dinner and look put together.
You shouldn’t be totally exhausted from dealing with the demands at work, after all, you really like the patient care aspect.
You should be stronger.
“Should Should Should” translates to shame.
Shame leads to worsening fatigue and self-judgement which can paralyze us, keeping us from taking positive movement (from taking care of ourselves).
So is it hopeless? Are we stuck giving our all to work and then feeling ashamed that we can’t do more? Have we hit our limit?
Don’t worry- this is not the week that I tell you to throw in the towel.
There is a way out of this (if you want out) and it doesn’t involve quitting your job, winning the lottery or moving to a hut on the beach.
The way out is working on a subtle but important mental shift, a shift that involves compassion and fun (which sounds much better than one more obligation).
Let’s start with compassion. Compassion sounds like a soft skill or an emotion but it is so much more than that. It’s a ninja skill that can get you out of ANY difficult situation.
One of the most powerful definitions of compassion is as follows “the emotional sensitivity to understand other people’s suffering and the combined willingness to help them solve their problems” (Lee et al., 2021)
Compassion isn’t just the same as empathy and certainly isn’t pity.
Compassion is UNDERSTANDING and WILLINGNESS TO TAKE ACTION.
Can you understand your response to your work day? Can you understand why the important work that you do may leave you feeling tired? Can you appreciate the energy it takes to hold the suffering of others while taking action to alleviate that suffering?
Can you be willing, from that place of understanding, to take action to help alleviate your own suffering? Can you think about this for a few minutes at the end of every shift, resetting yourself for the rest of your day?
It’s understandable that we feel the way we do, it makes total sense. There is no shame in it at all.
No room for “shoulds” once compassion is on board.
Compassion is the serial killer of shoulds, it is the annihilator of shame.
Applying compassion to ourselves (understanding and willingness to decrease our suffering), the shame we carry will die. Once shame is dead (caution, it will keep trying to come back), we can move onto the fun part, we can “uplevel” because we want to and not because we aren’t good enough exactly where we are.
Maybe it could be fun to brainstorm a way to do some of the other things you want to do in your life. Maybe before you even think of that, you give yourself a pass on doing anything and spend some time doing things that restore you, without any guilt about it. Maybe just spending time with your family at night, without worrying about all the things, IS the uplevel.
And once you have spent some time in recovery, then it can be really fun to see what else lights you up. Upleveling can take any form, spending time connecting with other people, prioritizing your health, building a home environment that you love, dedicating time to supporting other initiatives at work that align with your core values, learning a new skill, starting a side hustle, becoming active in a professional organization and connecting with other people who share your dreams and struggles.
Not because you should, because it’s fun.
It can only be fun if you let go of the shoulds and the shame.
Compassion can get you there.
You are 100% whole and good enough as you are right now, that won’t change by upleveling.
Upleveling is just fun to do.
Wouldn’t it be amazing to have more fun?
Does feeling better and more engaged sound great to you but you are uncertain if coaching can help? After all, maybe you don't feel totally burnt out, maybe other people have it much worse. But a little voice in your head is intrigued that maybe things could feel better, maybe you feel like if you could just put a few of your hang ups to rest you could be unstoppable.
Coaching has changed my life and I continue to use the skills I learned every single day to ease my suffering and uplevel for fun. If you want this too, reach out and let's explore working together. You are already good at learning new things, 6 weeks of coaching can give you the new info/skills you need to feel better in any situation and get the energy you need to do the things you dream of. I hope you reach out, it will be fun :) Send me a message or Click here to schedule a time to find out more.
Reference :)
Lee HJ, Lee M, Jang SJ. Compassion Satisfaction, Secondary Traumatic Stress, and Burnout among Nurses Working in Trauma Centers: A Cross-Sectional Study. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2021 Jul 6;18(14):7228. doi: 10.3390/ijerph18147228. PMID: 34299686; PMCID: PMC8307372.
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