The thought that changed my life

Have you ever known someone who was a long-time smoker, tried everything to quit without success, and then received a diagnosis of lung cancer and quit cold turkey, never having a cigarette again?

Overnight all the mental chatter is silenced, all the reasons why it is hard or why it won’t work just wiped out. It doesn’t happen with everyone, but it does happen often enough that we are familiar with the phenomenon. 

It’s the result of having a new and very powerful thought: “I am going to die.”

There may be variations of this thought, “this cigarette is actively killing me” or “I don’t want to throw my life away for this”, but whatever the thought is, it is powerful, and the person believes it strongly.

This is a dramatic, but very clear, example of how our thoughts can create profound shifts in our behaviors and our experiences. This is true even when the thoughts are much less dramatic, they still affect our actions and emotions throughout the day, every day.

Our default thoughts are often negative (don’t feel badly about this, it is just how the human brain works). Some thoughts are empirically true, thoughts like “I won’t make it home if I don’t stop for gas”, and others we just decide are true because we are the ones that came up with them. 

• I am so exhausted.

• She drives me insane.

• I am at my limit.

• Nothing is going to change as long as this person is in charge.

• I can’t do it all.

• I could never run. (hee hee- I used to say this)

• I can’t pursue _____________ (fill in the blank with a personal goal), because I am too busy.

• This environment is toxic.

Some sound like facts, some like drama. Either way, we don’t feel motivated or uplifted if these are the default thoughts that we have. 

It’s ok. 🙂

We think all day long. We just haven’t been instructed to think about what we are thinking about. It’s not about positive thinking; it’s about powerful thinking. 

I learned this 10 years ago when I sought out a coach to help me navigate a very difficult situation. It was mind blowing when I became aware of all the terrible thoughts that I was having during the day. Worse yet, I was letting them run the show. Whether they were fact or drama, they all made me feel awful. 

The best part was, I didn’t necessarily have to let go of all of them to start feeling better. I just had to come up with some powerful thoughts that would tip the balance. 

Thoughts like,

• I’m going to be ok. (How often do we say that to ourselves during the day? Probably not much.)

• I am really good at figuring things out.  (True. Very True.)

• There are resources that can help me, I don’t have to figure this out with just the knowledge I have now. 

• I can show up as a person I am proud of, even in very difficult situations.

• When other people show up in a way that is hurtful or aggressive, they can be acting from deep pain and suffering. I can have empathy for suffering. (I do it all day long at work).

• Compassion will never steer me wrong. Compassion for them and compassion for me.

• I can change my experience of this. 

These are just some examples. Notice none of them are dismissive. None say, “it doesn’t matter” or “you shouldn’t be feeling this way”. 

So, are you wondering which one changed my life? They all did. They all do. If I had to put it into one sentence; I am able to feel powerless or empowered based on the thoughts I think.

Recognizing what thoughts I am entertaining is the first step to deciding if they are creating the life I want to have. If they aren’t, I can pick new, powerful thoughts that can be equally (or more) true. I am able to feel powerless or empowered based on the thoughts I think...

and I get to create those thoughts.

Once I embraced this, I was able to use it on every difficult situation I encountered. 

It can be used with difficult coworkers. 

It can be used for family gatherings. 

It can be used to follow through with exercise, or diet, or studying (or dictating notes at work- UGH).

Sure, sometimes it takes some experimentation to find the right thought that will support you in a difficult situation, but it is so worth it. 

At the end of the day, it really comes down to this: we’re not stuck with the first thought that pops into our head. We actually get to choose what we want to believe about a situation. That doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine when it isn’t—it just means picking a thought that helps us move forward instead of keeping us stuck. And the best part? Even one small shift in how you think can completely change how you feel, how you show up, and the kind of life you’re building every single day.

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If all your painful thoughts feel 100% true and you can’t untangle yourself from them, reach out. This one skill can get you through anything and I am happy to help you learn how to do it in a way that can change your whole experience. Schedule a time today at Megan@NursingBeyondTheJob.com . I promise, it will work for your situations too, no matter how messed up they seem.