Tonight all I want to do is drink wine and read my novel. I am feeling all the feels today. It doesn’t matter the reasons. We all have days like this, when everything is too much and more negative things just keep happening.
Much of the time, we can manage days like these with denial, distraction, dissociation, or deliberate intake of carbs. We just keep going.
Then there are days that 'just keeping going’ doesn’t seem to be working, even with a mastery of denial and distraction.
So you sit, feeling the feels despite trying not to, immobilized, feeling like the ONLY possibility for your evening is wine and a good book.
But deep down, you know that tomorrow the feelings won’t have gone away. And you will have other people to care for, other people who need you.
So what do you do? How can you feel better when all you can feel is the weight in your chest, the palpitations, the burning behind your eyes.
The fastest way out is through.
AND to refuse to sink into all or nothing thinking.
Feeling things can be hard. It’s reasonable that we would want to avoid it at all costs. Unfortunately, not feeling doesn’t work (unless you’re a sociopath).
Here’s what may help.
List all the things that you may be feeling right now, the feelings that correlate with the palpitations and tears.
Disappointment
Fear
Despair
Sadness
Fatigue
Heartbreak
Outrage
Sorrow
Embarrassment
Anger
Disbelief
Overwhelm
Frustration
Just sit with the list for a few minutes. See yourself. Give yourself some compassion and grace the way you would hold space for a patient experiencing any of those emotions. Would you tell them to hurry up and get over it? Would you tell them it’s not that bad? Or would you just let them have their experience with you there as support?
Let yourself have your experience.
But here’s where the second part comes in, avoiding the all or nothing thinking. Don’t just leave the list there, it’s only half the list. What else is true right now about you, about your feelings, about your strengths?
Can you make a second list? What are your strengths, your core values? What else is true for you? Maybe these would be statements.
I am compassionate.
I am creative.
I am persistent 🙂
I am going to get through this.
I don’t have to feel better right now.
It’s ok to feel this way.
I know I have people who will help me if I need them.
It’s ok to feel this way.
Did you catch that one? I
t’s ok to feel this way.
We all want to be seen. Can you give that gift to yourself? Can you see your own pain and suffering and not judge it.
Can you be a nurse for yourself?
Sometimes when you start doing this work it can be difficult to find other, less painful, thoughts. Or maybe you just don’t have the energy to do it alone (Or maybe you are just curious about what working with a coach would be like.)
This is exactly what I help people with. Identifying the thoughts that are holding them back, exploring where they would be without them, and supporting them while they try the strategies in their everyday lives. If this sounds like exactly what you need, reach out today for a free consultation call. Transformations start there.
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