Caring Is the Job:Ignoring Yourself Doesn’t Have to Be

Ignore: refuse to take notice of or acknowledge; disregard intentionally; fail to consider (something significant).

We ignore things for a lot of reasons.

We ignore the alarm clock because we don’t want to get up.

We ignore a child’s fifteenth request for candy for breakfast because we’re too exhausted to patiently explain—again—that it simply isn’t happening.

We ignore the attitude of a teenager or a coworker because we know acknowledging it will just be aggravating and get us nowhere.

We ignore the speed limit (just kidding).

We ignore the discomfort of working out because we want to feel strong.

We ignore the laundry because it’s laundry.

We ignore the noise around us as we read a good book.

We ignore our aching feet because it’s part of the job.

We ignore our personal judgments of patients because we are in this job to give care to everyone.

We ignore the fuel light in our car because it’s not a convenient time to stop.

We ignore the need to go to the bathroom because we are too busy.

We ignore a text because we’re disgruntled with that friendship—or because we want to put off making a decision.

We ignore the need to go to bed because there’s too much to do.

I’m sure you could add more. Some things we ignore for our own good, and some things we ignore despite the negative consequences that will follow. Either way, we become quite skilled at ignoring—usually because we believe that the thing being ignored is negative, or that paying attention to it would cause something negative.

All of that said, when it comes to other people, ignoring them is generally considered incredibly rude. It’s a way of dismissing them as unimportant.

Most of us would agree that ignoring someone is not how we roll.

And yet…

Believe it or not, we ignore ourselves (even though we’re people).

Chances are, you aren’t even aware of this.

We ignore our need for a few minutes of quiet to regroup after a stressful day.

We ignore our need to rest because the house has to be cleaned before people come over.

We ignore our need to spend time on what matters to us when we say yes to something we don’t actually want to do.

We ignore our need to get outside because there is too much to get done.

We literally ignore our need to pee at work.

Would you tell someone else they can’t go to the bathroom when nature calls?

Would you ignore a patient’s request to rest after doing something difficult?

Would you tell your child that catching up on their own things isn’t important and that they should instead spend time doing what other people want?

So why do we ignore ourselves?

We become so good at it that we don’t even notice anymore. It becomes second nature.

I see this with my patients as well. They ignore their needs or limitations out of fear—fear of upsetting family, fear of being judged by friends, or even fear of judging themselves.

Are we really that different?

It’s understandable how this happens. As mentioned earlier, there are many situations where ignoring something serves us well. Ignoring ourselves is not one of those times.

Here’s the problem: continued self-ignoring leads to emotional and physical exhaustion—and exhaustion is no one’s end goal. We can’t dismiss ourselves as unimportant and then expect to feel good.

If this resonates, start by noticing the small ways you may be ignoring yourself without realizing it. Look for opportunities—tiny ones—to acknowledge your own importance and value.

Pee when you have to pee.

Nurturing yourself does not come at the expense of caring for someone else. We are capable of both. If we can take care of multiple patients, coworkers, or family members, we can take care of ourselves and others. Believing it has to be one or the other is what keeps us stuck.

It doesn’t have to be a herculean effort. It can be small, simple, and thoughtful.

Little acts of kindness matter—even when they’re directed at ourselves.

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P.S. If you’re noticing that you consistently put yourself last and don’t know how to change that without guilt, one-to-one coaching can help. Together, we can identify where you’re ignoring yourself, why it happens, and how to create sustainable shifts that support both you and the people you care for. Reach out at Megan@NursingBeyondtheJob.com