Breaking through self-doubt: Becoming the person I didn't think I could be.

So many of the approaches to wellbeing focus on mindfulness; staying present in the current moment, bringing awareness to our thoughts and not getting dragged down by the past or caught up in the uncertain future. And it’s true that the more we practice this skill, the calmer and less reactive we become.

That said, it’s not the ONLY approach. Sometimes looking towards the future, uncertain as it is, and changing the trajectory we have set for ourselves with the actions of our past, can allow us to stretch and become something more than we thought possible.

We can become a version of ourselves that we aren’t sure that we can achieve.

This is what prompted me to start these weekly posts five years ago today. I wanted to expand the way I helped people. I wanted to fully step into the identity of a nurse coach. I wanted to follow through on something JUST BECAUSE it was a goal I set for myself, and not due to a deadline, an external expectation, or a grade.

I was pretty sure I couldn’t do it, after all, I had never written a blog, I had never been super active on any social media program, I had never consistently followed through on a promise to myself, regardless of what else came up, how I was feeling, or if I was certain that I would do it.

The first week’s post took me 8 hours to write, edit and post. It felt really scary to put it out there. It took my entire day off, and we know how precious those are. 

But it was important. I wanted to learn how to do this- not just write the blog but become the person who would keep a promise to herself.

I know I’m not alone in this. We can be incredibly cruel when we let ourselves down and it can keep us from even setting goals. It can keep us from envisioning a future version of ourselves that has accomplished dreams that are near and dear to our hearts.

The second week also took 8 hours and a day off. Slowly the posts got slightly easier to complete and to read 🙂. I got it down to 4-5 hours. I knew what I wanted to say, who I wanted to help, how important it was. I remember celebrating week 10 with no weeks missed.

I really wanted to be the person who kept showing up, even if it only helped one person, even if it took forever for someone to actually read them. I wanted to be a product of my product. I wanted to believe that I could decide to do something and follow through, without any initial reward or outside accountability.

Do you have anything in your life that you feel that way about?

What I have learned over the last 5 years, the last 260 consecutive weeks, is that I can trust myself. 

I can learn something new, something that others may not see the value in.

I can show up not only when I have something I am dying to share but also when I am discouraged, unmotivated and tired.

I can plan ahead, as an act of love for myself, so that I don’t have to resent the time it takes.

I can follow through, even when holidays fall on a Friday.

I can get faster at things (it is now often done before 9am).

I can do something enough times that I don’t have to worry about if I will forget or put it off or run out of time. It’s just something I do now, it’s who I am.

I can give myself grace when it doesn’t seem good enough. Showing up for myself and my fellow nurses is ALWAYS enough.

I can expand my capacity to decrease the suffering in the world.

I can be restored and regenerated by doing this work. I don’t have to worry about burning out (doesn’t that sound amazing).

I could keep going but you get the point. I dared to hope I could grow into a new identity. I was uncertain that I could do the work for a month, much less 1 year…or 5. I had absolutely no evidence from my past to support that this was achievable for me. 

I don’t say this to toot my own horn, I say it to plant the seed that the same can be true for you. 

You can dare to dream of an identity for yourself that you have no evidence to support.

You can try something just because you want to, out of love for yourself and curiosity about what you are actually capable of. 

You can treat yourself with compassion when you navigate that unfamiliar feeling of being a beginner, of things taking a long time, of having your own back, even when others are not openly supportive. 

I continue to do this work on myself every day, especially now that I have some evidence of my ability to keep going which gives me hope AND confidence.

I continue to do the work because I don’t want any nurse left behind.

I don’t want any nurse to suffer or believe there isn’t a way to keep going. I don’t want patients to lose out on the amazing care we can give.

I don’t want you to be afraid to see yourself achieving not only happiness at work but resilience in your family life, to have confidence in your capacity. 

Be mindful, yes, but allow yourself to create a future that you can work towards.

Here’s to the last 5 years of posts/blogs and the coach I have become in the process. Here’s to the next 50 years of fighting for the health and wellness of nurses.

Reach out if you need me ♥️ Megan@NursingBeyondTheJob.com