You’re Holding It All Together. But Where Is the Stress Going?

As nurses, we are really good at holding it together.

We hold it together when the patient is scared, when the family is angry, when the shift is short-staffed.

We hold it together when someone needs us to be calm, even though inside we are anything but.

We get very good at putting our feelings somewhere else so we can keep doing what needs to be done.

And sometimes that is exactly what we need to do in the moment.

But here’s the problem:

Just because you can hold it together doesn’t mean your body doesn’t know you’re stressed.

The tension in your shoulders.

The clenched jaw.The shallow breathing.

The exhaustion that hits when you finally get home.

The feeling that you don't want to talk to anyone—you just want to sit there.

Your body has been carrying the stress, even while you were busy taking care of everyone else.

So what do we do with it?

1. Give your body a chance to come down.

You don't always have to think your way out of stress.

Sometimes you need to let your body experience something different.

Take a walk. Shake out your arms. Stretch. Take several slow breaths with a longer exhale. Put on music and move around your kitchen. Sit outside for five minutes without your phone.

It doesn't have to be complicated; the goal isn't to “fix” yourself.

It is simply to give your nervous system a message: 

The emergency is over. You are safe enough to let go.

2. Stop judging what you are feeling.

Sometimes we add another layer of stress by deciding that we shouldn't feel stressed.

“I have nothing to complain about.”

“Other people have it worse.”

“I just need to get through this.”

“I should be able to handle it.”

Maybe.

But you are allowed to be tired.

You are allowed to be overwhelmed.

You are allowed to have reached your limit, and you don't need to justify it.

Instead of telling yourself, “I shouldn't feel this way”, try “This is what I am feeling right now. I don't have to do anything about it this second.” 

Say it. Out loud. 

Sometimes acknowledging the feeling is the beginning of releasing it.

3. Give yourself permission to stop holding it.

This might be the hardest one because when you have spent years being the person who gets things done, stopping can feel almost impossible.

Who will take care of everything?

Who will remember?

Who will keep everyone moving?

Who will make sure it all gets done?

You will probably still be that person tomorrow.

But you don't have to be that person every minute today.

Give yourself permission to put the weight down for a little while.

Not forever, just long enough to remember what it feels like not to carry everything.

And if these things don't seem to work right away, please don't turn that into another reason to criticize yourself.

Sometimes stress has been building for a long time.

One walk isn't going to undo months of holding everything together.

One deep breath doesn't erase a difficult year.

That's okay, start smaller.

Sit in the car for five minutes before going inside.

Take three slow breaths.

Cry if you need to.

Ask someone for help.

Go to bed early.

Say no to something that doesn't absolutely need to be done.

You don't have to earn rest by reaching complete exhaustion.

As nurses, we spend so much of our careers being the steady one. The capable one. The one everyone can count on.

But being strong doesn't mean never letting go.

Sometimes strength is recognizing that your body has been carrying more than you realized—and giving yourself permission to put some of it down.

You can hold it together when you need to.

And you can let it go when you don't.

Both can be true.

---

If this feels familiar...

Sometimes knowing what you need to do isn't the problem, the problem is giving yourself permission to actually do it.

That's something I work on with nurses in my 1:1 coaching. We look at the patterns that keep you stuck in “I just need to get through this” mode and figure out what it would look like to take care of yourself without feeling guilty for it.

You don't necessarily need a new job, you may just need some space to figure out how you want to feel in the life and career you've already built.

If you're ready to stop just holding it all together, I’d love to help. Megan@NursingBeyondtheJob.com