What Else Is True When You Find Yourself Back Where You Promised You'd Never Be?

There are few things more frustrating than finding yourself back in a situation you promised yourself you'd never return to. It might be restarting a diet, saying yes to the extra shift even when you know your schedule is already full, losing your patience with a coworker, or sacrificing sleep because you desperately needed a little time to yourself. Whatever the situation, the disappointment isn't just about what happened—it's about the story we tell ourselves afterward: I knew better. So why did I do it again? 

It’s easy to start wondering what’s wrong with you.

When going through this, it’s difficult to keep a positive outlook. We cement in our overwhelm with a solid layer of guilt.

WE SHOULD KNOW BETTER!

But before we get stuck, let’s look a little more carefully at what is actually going on. Let’s explore if there is a way to dig out from self-judgment to a more restorative place.

Start by zooming out. What are all the things that are going on in your life right now? Do you have more than 3? How many relationships are you juggling? How many responsibilities? Have you had anything unexpected come up recently?

This isn't an exercise in feeling more overwhelmed. It's a reminder that we are dynamic people living in a dynamic world. We don't make decisions in a vacuum. Every day we're influenced by our responsibilities, relationships, emotions, and the unexpected. 

Can we have a little compassion for that person that doesn’t always have unlimited time to think things through, who may be swayed by something they weren’t anticipating? Can we have compassion for the person who is trying to make positive changes in their life, sometimes hitting a speed bump and veering off course? Can we understand how it might happen?

I know this because I’ve been living it. The thought “I should have planned this better, I should be able to handle this” has been on constant replay in my brain. It’s a little maddening so I thought I would share it with you, in hopes that my experience may lighten yours.

In the midst of being in a difficult season, I added judgment.

If I had planned my time better, I could have taken some of the pressure off myself.

If I was routinely more organized I would have been in a better position to start from.

Because of the multiple stressors I neglected my self care, my sleep and my exercise…

Let’s not even discuss my nutritional choices.

As a nurse practitioner AND a nurse coach I should be better at doing these things. Right?

This week I have had to continuously and intentionally change this narrative in my head as I try to restore my equilibrium

There are multiple things right now that are important to me and are taking my energy.

While some of these things were planned or predictable, some were not. One of the stressors is not one that I have ever faced before.

Yes, I probably could have done better if I had a better understanding of what I was getting myself into. But sometimes you don’t know until you know.

Some of these situations I am actively choosing despite the hardship. I'm being intentional rather than reactive. I have support if I ask for it—and sometimes even when I don't. Even though I underestimated how difficult this season would be, I'm still trying to make small choices that support me, like prioritizing rest and preparing healthy food. Those things count too, even if my mind isn't replaying them. 

I could tell myself a different story: that I am dedicated to seeing these things through.

If you find yourself in a similar place—caught in self-judgment or facing a situation you swore you wouldn't be in again—see if you can zoom out.  What else is true? What contributed to you being there? Can you have some compassion for the person who is trying and yet is still getting tripped up periodically? Managing self-care isn’t a destination, it is a lifelong practice. 

Progress isn't measured by never ending up in this situation again. It's measured by how quickly we recognize what's happening, give ourselves compassion instead of criticism, and begin again.

Every difficult season is another opportunity to practice those skills. That's how resilience is built—not by perfection, but through repetition.

So the next time you find yourself asking, "How did I end up here again?" try zooming out before you zoom in on your mistakes. 

Keep going. I'll be doing the same.

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My hope is that the next time you find yourself in a familiar struggle, you'll ask yourself one simple question: What else is true? It's helping me change the story I tell myself. If this message resonates, consider sharing it with someone who might need the reminder today—and let me know if that question changes anything for you.