Burnout Didn’t Change My Work, But This Mindset Did

I don’t know why I feel strongly about sharing this today. It may seem like an odd approach to feeling better at work, but it is truly one of the most effective and self-protective practices I know. It might come across as a little woo-woo, but I am willing to risk judgment if it helps even one person. So here goes.

Lead with love.

I am not referring to leading others with love, but rather leading yourself by making every decision and taking every action from a place of love.

And not just for your patients and colleagues, but for yourself.

Love is not weakness, nor is it at odds with scientific intervention. Love is strength. It grounds you in meaning, dedication, and understanding. It is the core of compassion. It is the reason behind our need for scientific knowledge, growth, and intervention in the first place.

You likely already approach many interactions this way without consciously realizing it. These are the interactions that, while difficult, you attend to because of the value and meaning behind them. Imagine if we could broaden both the frequency and intensity of these grounded interactions in our lives.

There is a calmness and a certainty that comes when we intentionally lead our everyday lives with love.

So how do we do this?

It is easy to lead with love when you already love someone, when you have awesome coworkers or patients who are appreciative and eager to take action. But what about the other times? What about when you are running behind, or frustrated with a prior authorization that should not be this difficult? What about when a staff member is in a bad mood, or a patient returns with unreasonable expectations and an unwillingness to follow through on recommendations?

What about the times when you still have all your notes to do and you just want to go home and go to sleep?

How do we lead with love then?

It starts with taking a moment to zoom out before zooming in.

When it comes to interpersonal interactions, zooming out means acknowledging our common humanity. It means recognizing that how people act, or what they are going through, is not the result of a character flaw, but rather a complex combination of their beliefs about themselves and others, their coping mechanisms, their support systems, their environment, and their life experiences to date. This can be incredibly difficult for them to navigate.

Can we lead with love for this person?

Can we separate their actions from their intrinsic worth?

Can we show up as a loving support instead of an added stress?

Can we seek understanding instead of settling into judgment?

“But they shouldn’t act that way” may be your gut response. It is often mine too.

This is not about how they act. It is about how you feel. That is what can change your entire experience of work. If you can decide to feel love, and yes, it is a decision, you can have a good experience even in the worst situations.

Can you think of the patient who will benefit from that prior authorization?

If we are intentional, we get to choose how we feel. We get to notice the gut reaction and then decide whether that is the path we want to stay on.

Love grounds you. It allows you to be calm. It creates space for brainstorming and creative solutions. It helps you see the struggle in the people around you and gives you the strength to hold both of you. When you feel grounded, you are no longer stuck in a constant state of fight or flight.

“But what about being so behind on documentation?” you ask.

Let’s agree that none of us are going to feel love toward finishing notes. It is truly the Achilles heel of my job, the one thing that, despite my best efforts, I still consistently complain about. (Apologies to my colleague Kim for listening to me.)

Admittedly, this is harder for me than leaning into compassion for others.

This is where leading with love for yourself comes in. Stay with me.

Think about loving your future self, the one on the other side of the notes.

If we stay stuck in “I don’t want to do this,” “this is awful,” or “this is going to take forever,” we feel awful. And when we feel awful, we look for distractions. This may look like grabbing a snack, putting it off until tomorrow, complaining, or answering messages instead of doing notes. You get the idea. Unfortunately, none of these actually help. Eventually, we still have to slog through the notes.

But if we reframe this as an act of love for ourselves, it becomes much more motivating.

Do you do difficult or inconvenient things for the people you love? Driving to the airport during rush hour? Sitting through a freezing Little League game? Of course you do. This is the same principle. We are choosing to do something difficult from love.

Think about yourself on the other side of the notes being done. Can you love yourself enough to just get started? To stop complaining or avoiding? Have you ever considered this?

This approach applies to so many areas of life.

Maybe you think you should bring lunch to work so you do not crash halfway through the day, but meal prep feels overwhelming or not worth it in the moment. Can you think about treating your future self with love? Can you prep her some food on Sunday so she has one less stressor during the week? Can you imagine how it will feel to sit down, even briefly, with something she enjoys and that will sustain her for the rest of the day?

Can you take care of that girl, not out of obligation, but out of love?

Can you give that girl, (or guy, or person) some credit when she is running behind because she is actively trying to decrease suffering in the world, and sometimes that takes more time than expected?

Making a conscious shift toward a lens of love can change your entire experience. No, it does not mean you will never have a bad day. It does not mean you will not be tired or reactionary at times.

What it does mean is that you can handle it all and feel better while doing it.

With love,Megan

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You do not have to navigate the hard parts of nursing alone. If this perspective speaks to you and you want help bringing it into your real day-to-day work, I offer 1:1 coaching for nurses. Reach out to Megan@NursingBeyondtheJob.com