Self-love is making quick decisions without fear or judgment.
You may not have heard of this as a self-love strategy in the past (assuming you have heard of ANY self-love strategies). I’m not talking about self-CARE strategies. We all know you can take care of someone that you don’t necessarily love.
Admittedly this whole self-love thing is kind of new to me. Often, so much effort is put into abolishing self-loathing that self-love doesn’t even get a footnote. That needs to change.
What does this have to do with decision making?
Making decisions can be exhausting. Because of this, we avoid making decisions and then we spin around in indecision, which is also exhausting. (Not a lot of self-love coming out of this cycle.)
Do you know why this is?
Fear.
Fear that we will choose wrong, and that our wrong choice will lead to discomfort.
Sure, sometimes we delay making a decision due to lack of information but more often than not, we have the info we need, or all the information that is actually attainable.
It’s necessary to overcome uncertainty in order to decide.
Full disclosure, for a long time I would make my husband make decisions about a lot of things. Not because I’m a submissive wife (lol) but because then if it didn’t work out, I didn’t have to be mad at myself (and no, if you’re wondering, I wouldn’t be mad at him.) But this didn’t really make me happy either because I was giving away my agency and it wasn’t fair to put the decision-making stress all on him.
Then HE had to deal with the uncertainty and the self-criticism if things didn’t work out as we had hoped.
Not the most loving approach, for either of us.
If I can accept the consequences of a “bad” decision that he makes, why can’t I do it for myself?
Obviously because I am wonder woman, with a crystal ball,who is supposed to know exactly what to do when, and what all the possible outcomes could include. AND ALWAYS CHOOSE RIGHT.
It sounds ridiculous when I put it that way and yet this unreasonable, and unwritten, standard many of us hold ourselves to.
Everyone struggles with making decisions at some point. Everyone. It is part of being alive and being human.
I am not exempt from this. Either are you (sorry).
BUT…
Here’s the good news.
There is a 3-step process that has a huge return on investment (hint- the ROI is self-love).
Step 1: Decide ahead of time that you are always going to make the best decision you can with the information you have. (Really this step is just about bringing awareness to the fact that you already do make decisions this way.)
Step 2: Review the information, think it through, and make a decision.
Step 3: This is the big one. Decide right then and there that NO MATTER WHAT you will not chastise yourself for the decision you made. Decide to have your own back, they way I had my husband’s back when he would make a decision that didn’t turn out the way we hoped. (That part I was good at.)
Step 3a: Shut down the negative voice in your head when she inevitably pops up with input like “you should have done something else” or the abbreviated “now, look what you’ve done”.
Decide.
Have your own back.
Re-evaluate down the road if need be and make the next decision.
Sometimes they turn out great. Sometimes not so much. Have your own back then too.
Self-love is changing how we engage with decision making. Don’t be mean to yourself for doing the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time. You don’t do that to other people.
So much of our drama at work and in our personal lives surrounds decisions and second guessing ourselves. I should have said no. I should have said yes. I should have done better. I shouldn’t have let my guard down. I should have been more connected. I should have packed lunch. I should have eaten the lunch I packed. I should have answered differently. I should have….
If we stopped spending so much mental energy on that, imagine all the things we could accomplish.
And imagine how great we would feel doing them.
Love yourself enough to make decisions and then look forward to making the next decision. It gets easier each time.
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